24 June 2009

In Defense of Jon & Kate

So, this is not really "NEWS" anymore. Jon & Kate Gosselin are splitting up. Its not really "news" in People Magazine anymore and its not really "news" on Cnn.com anymore and its not really "news" that Brian Williams really wants to share I imagine.

Here is what I find so shocking about this information: The complete lack of empathy expressed by, well, everyone. Especially the momosphere, like this and this.

I suppose this is not particularly shocking. This is, after all, America and Americans love nothing more than to make people celebrities and then tear them to shreds.
But I think it is also a comment on the realm of parent bloggers who are, by and large, married people or permanently non-married, but living in secure relationships.

I mention this not to criticize the marrieds, but possibly a little to point out that until you have BEEN through a divorce from the inside, particularly one where there are children involved and you are going to have to be involved with your former spouse for the better part of the rest of your life whether you like it or not, you really should back the hell off from the outside unless you have something nice to say.

Believe me, its hard a-fucking-nuf to face yourself in the mirror everyday and try to figure out what the hell you are going to do with the rest of your day/week/life. Being told you didn't try hard enough or work at it sufficiently or that you didn't put enough faith in god is bullshit.

Here are the things that I would wish for both Kate and Jon Gosselin (but, quite frankly, more for Kate because, well, I'm a mom):

That someone give them the following books to read:
Mom's House, Dad's House . . . because parenting plans are important when you are no longer parenting as a unit.
Ex-Etiquette For Parents: Good Behavior after Divorce or Separation . . . because, really, nothing is more important than being cordial at this point.
Two Homes . . . even if they are going to do the thing where the parent's come and go from one house, this kids book describes the life of a child who knows he is loved unconditionally by both of his parents

That someone tells them to communicate as much as possible via email and operate under the assumption that everything they write will wind up on national television (which, is more likely in their case than mine, but same rule applies).

That their families support them judgement free and if that isn't going to happen that they have a real life community of people who surround them with whatever kind of support they need.

That they are able to believe in their own resilience and know that life will go on and that, to paraphrase Anne of Green Gables, the future is always brighter with no mistakes made in it yet.

1 comment:

  1. I can see where you are coming from. I just feel sorry for them.